To-do

I keep a notebook next to my computer that i add to daily. crossing things off the list is a rentle reminder that I am in fact doing things. Some days you can't worry about if they are the right things. staying away from the wrong ones is enough. 

When I was in college is didn't worry at all about where the work I was doing would take me. I was allowing myself to be pulled by some invisible force. Chasing the things that interested me. 

Today I put "get a new tattoo," "pierce your nose," and "get a leather jacket" on my to-do list.  it would be my second time doing each of those things. I kept my locs after the second attempt, Im thinking this is going to be similar. 

The things that make the list tell me almost as much as the things that never get crossed off. There are items on my list that have been there for months. That's where I am with those items. I can aknowledge that I need to do them. That's all I got right now. there is isn't much to do besides turn to other items on the list. 

I bought blerd new glasses becuase his got lost so I'm a good mom even if he ends up needing to pay my students loans back after Im dead and gone. (Pray that's not a things). There's a long list of stuff that falls under the "be a good mom" pile for me. That's the to-do list I left my jacket for. This was not the fucking Gilmore girls. I needed to get my shit together and look the part or we would be in serious trouble. I wasn't entirely wrong. 

Not entirely. I can cross "lose yourself" off my list. I'll spend the rest of my life completing the finding becuase now I understand how much I was to lose.