Admitting Your Child Is Dealing With Trauma

There are a lot of good reasons to be in denial about signs of trauma in a child. One being: it sucks. It's painful and terrifying as a parent. I can't only imagine what it must be like to be a child entirely dependent on their parent for supporting their healing. I use the word "good" loosely of course. I am sure when an adult sits down with their therapist they might not consider their parent's reason for remaining in denial "good." Maybe they are understanding, but I can't be sure it lessens the damage.  

I talk myself for a while that not admitting to my son's traumatic experiences were for his privacy, I imagined him feeling exposed and upset about my decision to speak out. It was my shame. Shame around how long it took me to understand what was happen even as he screamed and writhed, possessed with memories. Frustration and fear of the systems I am beholden to that seem to refuse to offer protection for fear of "vindictive baby-mama stereotypes." A freeze response to secondary trauma and pure exhaustion. 

There is value in secrets; they serve to keep us isolated. There is no value in silence it does not alleviate pain. There is no honor in shame; it only chains you to your oppressor. These are the things I remind myself. 

I will never speak about the specific traumatic events my son experienced. I don't know them all. The harsh reality that we are two entirely independently souls but what has been confided in me is not mine to tell. 

But I will speak about trauma. About parenting a child through trauma because many people are doing it yet, I keep reading that it is isolating. The two shouldn't be right simultaneously. So consider this a step out of the shadows.   

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